The Jokes Thread!

Santa Singh...once walking on d street...slipped on a Banana skin....!

 

bt he was a brave guy......he got up ...n got moving again.......

after walkin a mile in his proud n brave manner,he saw another 'BAnana skin....... n says "phitte mooh tera....fir se fisalna paega"....(oh no...i'll hav to slip again )....

History Teacher: From where to where did the Mughals rule?

 

Santa: Sir, I am not sure but I think from Page 15 to 26 sir....

People dont change when you tell them that there is a Better option... They change when they realise that there is No Other Option..

Another one....

Napolean: Meri Dictionary may Impossible naam ka koi word nahi hai....

 

Sardar: ab bolne say kya fayeda?? jab kharidi thi tab check karna chahiye tha na....

People dont change when you tell them that there is a Better option... They change when they realise that there is No Other Option..

Sardar converts Christian

Fed up of people making fun of him, Santa Singh (the sardar) decided to change his religion. He became a Roman Catholic and became an assistant to a priest in a church.

One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called Santa Singh (now Santa D'costa, (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him.

Santa told priest he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told Santa to stay with him for a little while and observe him in action to learn what to do.
Santa sat near the priest at the confessional.

A few minutes later a woman came in and said: Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
Priest: What did you do?
Woman: I committed adultery
Priest: How many times?
Woman: 3 times
Priest: Say 2 Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said: Father,
forgive me for I have sinned.
Priest: What did you do?
Man: I committed adultery
Priest: How many times?
Man: 3 times
Priest: Say 2 Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more

Santa, a quick learner, told the priest that he understood the job and could handle it well. Hence, the priest could leave, trusting Santa to do his job at the confessional properly.

Santa D'costa was now alone. A few minutes later another woman entered the confessional and said: Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
Santa: What did you do?
Woman: I committed adultery
Santa: How many times?
Woman: Once
Santa: Go do it 2 more times and come back to confession, we have a special offer this week, 3 times for $ 5.00.

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"

A SINDHI and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.

The SINDHI, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa.'

Again, the SINDHI declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, 'Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.'

This gets the SINDHI'S attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment,
agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'

The SINDHI doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and
hands it to the American.

'Okay,' says the American, 'Your turn.'

So the SINDHI asks, 'What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?'

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the SINDHI and hands him $500.

The SINDHI thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the SINDHI and asks, 'Well, what's the answer?'

Without a word, the SINDHI reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!


Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

AUDI-always unsafe design implemented.

Man always wants a Wife that is Beautiful, Intelligent, Caring, Loving, Understanding, Humble, Modest etc. etc. etc.

But the Law allows only 1 wife

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.