The Jokes Thread!

Guys - I don't want to spoil the fun...but of late there are too many (rather only) sardarji jokes being posted. Please be empathic to their sensibilities too also before posting. This is an Indian website and I'm sure many of the visitors may be Sardarjis. Though they are very sporting when it comes to such jokes but let's not ourselves cross limits.

@Rohit - you posted exactly what I had decided to post today.

People please do not post any jokes on Sardarjis. No one wants to be laughed at always. Just put yourselves in their position and then give it a thought. If you find or know about a joke which has the word sardar/sardarji in it, edit it before posting. You can use some fictitious name like chintu or something so that it does not end up hurting anyone. Going forth such posts which have the word sardar/sardarji would not be tolerated. This is to safeguard the interest of our Sardarji friends and members on carwale. Hope all of you would co-operate.

After giving up 'goondagiri', Veeru has now joined an Indian body shopper and has become a Computer Consultant. Jay goes to Mausi for 'Basanti kaa haath mangane'..........
MAUSI: Bura nahin maanna beta, itna to poochna hi padtha hai ki ladke ka khandaan kya hai, uske lakshan kaise hain, kamaata kitna hai, US me masters kiya he...
AMITABH: kamaane ka to ye hai mausi, ki ek baar biwi baccho ki jimmewari sar pe aa gai, to consultant ka kaam chod kar regular employee hoga aur phir kamaane bhi lagega.
MAUSI: to kya abhi kucch bhi nahin kamaata?
AMITABH: nai, nai, ye maine kab kahaa mausi. kamaata hai lekin, ab roj roj to 'client' mil nahi sakta na, kabhi kabhi "BENCH" per baith jaata hai bechara.
MAUSI: BENCH pe bhi aana jana hai?
AMITABH: haan mausi, ab ye kambakht Computer Consultancy cheej hi aisi hai. Aur bench par to bade bade log jeseke Bill Gates, Andrew Grove, Larry Ellison bhi betha karte the.
MAUSI: to kya programmer hai?
AMITABH: chee, chi, chi, chee, chee! wo aur programmer? NAA! NAA!! wo to bahut hi acchhaa aur nek ladka hai, lekin waise ek baar kisi desi body shopper ke haat lag jaye na phir 'language/RDBMS/QA' ka kahaan hosh rahta hai! haath pakad ke 'IDMS' ya 'QA'karvaane bithadiya desi ne, ab isme bechaare Veeru ka kya dosh.
MAUSI: theek kahte ho beta, programmer woh, DBA woh, DESI ke paas kaam karta hai woh, lekin uska koi dosh nahin.
AMITABH: mausi aap to mere dost ko galat samajh rahen hai, wo to itna seedha aur bhola hai, arey Basanti se uski shaadi kar ke to dekhiye, ye 'programming', 'DBA' aur 'client ke paas jane ki aadat' to do din main chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: arey beta is budhiya ko samjha rahe ho! apne COMPUTER CONSULTANTS ko chod dene ki aadat kisi body shopper ki chhooti hai aaj tak?
AMITABH: mausi aap Veeru ko nahin jaanti, biswaas kijiye wo is tarah ka insaan nahin hai. ek baar shaadi ho gai to wo 'PAGER' bhi rakhna band kar dega, bas PROGRAMMING apne aap chhoot jayegi.
MAUSI: hai raam, bas yehi ek kami baaki rah gai thi, to kya PAGER bhi rakhta hai?
AMITABH: to usme kaun si buri baat hai mausi, arey PAGER to PRESIDENT,VP, CEO aur unchey-unchey log rakhte hai haan.
MAUSI: accha! to beta ye bhi batate jaao ki tumhare ye gunwaan dost assal me kis company ke employee hai?
AMITABH: bas mausi, hum 'trace' kar rahe hai, original HI milte hi company ka pata chal jayega aur hum aapko khabar de denge.
MAUSI: ek baat ki daad dungi beta, bhale sow buraiyaan hon tumhare dost main, phir bhi tumhare muh se uske liye tareef hi nikalti hai.
AMITABH: kya karoon mausi, hum body shoppers log hi kucch aise hai. to ye rista pakka samjhoon.
MAUSI: pakka! bhale saari jindagi ladki kuwaari baithi rahe,lekin aise aadmi se Basanti ko nahin byahne waali, sagi mausi hoon koi sauteli maan nahin.
AMITABH: ajeeeeb baaat hai, mere itne samjhaane par bhi aapne inkaar kar diya, bechaara Veeru, na jaane ab agla client kaha milega!!

ROBERT : America mein WAAR ho gaya boss !!!
AJIT : Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool !!! India mein roz "WAAR" hota hai. Bolo kaise???
ROBERT : nahin maaloom Boss !!!
AJIT : Arre ulloo !!! SOMWAAR , MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR.........

PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

----------------------------------------------------------------
CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

Raju child - mere papa bahut darpok hain.

Montychild - how?

Raju child - jab bhi road cross karten hain, meri ungli pakar lete hain

Patni-Aapki Blue Shirt Mujh Se Jal Gayi
Pati-Mere Paas Waisi Ek Aur Shirt Hai
Patni-Pata Hai, Maine Usme Se Kapda Kaat Ke Pehle Wale Me Laga Diya Hai

In an exam,
a student who was prep but left D pg blank
At bottom drew flowers and wrote-
"In D memory of my memory,which recently passed away!"

GOLU-Yaar,Meri Ghadi(Watch) Kho Gayi

MOLU-Chalti Thi Kya..?

GOLU-Ha..Yaar Chalti Thi

MOLU-Tab to jarur chalkar kahi Gayi Hogi

Zoo Me Ek bandar ne dusre bandar ka hath dekh kar Bataya-Mujhe tumhara future andkar me nazar aa raha hai

Tum Ek din Insan ban jaoge

Sale badhane ka naya tarika
EK Hotel Malik ne Bahar Board Pe Likha.

"Agar Aap Khana Nahi Khaoge To Aap Aur Me Dono Bhukhe Mar Jayenge."