The Jokes Thread!

Rishita, the first one happened exactly to me, when i was learning about computers.

I hope Kasab's Trial does not  end up like this 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9gcwyzr91c  

I am afraid, the end result might turn out to be the same, considering the way the court cases that are fought in India.  Very nice video. 

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says,
"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted,
"I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pufffff. and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said,
"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

 I Just Love to Hear IT !!!!

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

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he replied laughing, "Coz . . ." "I just love hearing it. . . ."

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal, and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Friendship...

It's not about “I’m sorry”; it’s about “abbe teri galti hai”.
 
It's not about “I’m there for you or I missed you”; it’s about “kahan marr gaya sale”.
 
It's not about “I understand…”; it’s about “sab teri wajah se hua manhus”.
 
It's not about “I care for you”; it’s about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga”.
 
It's not about “I’m happy for your success”; it’s about “chal party de sale”.
 
It's not about “I love that girl”; it’s about “saalo izzat se dekho tumhari bhabi hain”.

It's not about “You coming for outing?”; it’s about “nautanki nahi, hum bahar ja rahe hai”

It's not about "Get well soon”; its about “itna piyega toh yehi hoga naa…”.

It's not about “All the best for your career”; it’s about “bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar”.

Three guys die and end  up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

Got this in the e-mail,

Government Health Warning

Do not swallow bubblegum!

No offence meant!!

There are 3 kinds of Doctors...

1) Some doctors make wonders happen.

2) Some doctors see wonders happen.

3) Some doctors wonder what happened.

A woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her.
"Hello - How are you? We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word,"
Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?"
the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for her husband that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
I'm surprised to see you,"
the woman said.
"How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died,"
her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the multi-state lottery.
I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion.
And my wife and I traveled all around the world.
We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him..
"Which word?"
her husband asked.
"Supercalafradgelisticexpialladocious ."

Moral of the story:

Never make a woman angry...There will be Hell to pay later!