The Jokes Thread!

Wife standing in front of a mirror said to Husband: Darling, today I look fat & ugly. Please pay me some compliment.

Husband replied: Your eyesight is great.

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

Unlike men, women's brain is a masterpiece.  It's divided into 2 parts - right & left.  In the left there's nothing right & in the right there's nothing left.


Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

This is not a joke...

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble.  It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

 

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

A  Indian guy named "Anantharaman Subbaraman" arrived at the New york
airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the
authorities to call his name, he got fedup and went to them and asked
why they havent called his name yet.

They said that they have been calling him for last 2 hrs as

          'Anotherman Superman'

How the Nano got it's name!!
Ratan Tata showed the Nano model to his local baniya.The baniya looking at the car replied in Gujarati "Ratan bhai aa toh bau Nano che!!!" (Ratan bhai this is too small).

Arun Kumar

Nano in Gujarati means "Small".  It is, however, pronounced differently, i.e. Na-No (No of Hindi - No of English).

No discussions on this thread, please (read the 2nd post/ 1st page of the thread).

Pankaj Prasad

2 men sitting in a bar...

1 man said to the other: I've hell lot of family problems.

2 man said: I'll tell you mine... I married a widow having a daughter - my father married my daughter - so my father's my son-in-law  - my daughter's my mother & my wife's my grandmother. More problems occured when I had a son... my son's my mother's brother & my uncle.  Situation turned worse when my father had a son... my father's son is my brother & my grandson.  Ultimately I'm my own grandfather & grandson....  And you say you have family problems!

Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

Before you form/give an opinion on other's car, test-drive it for a mile or so.  Then.... Then what?  You are a mile away.... and the car is yours


Honesty is not a Spare Wheel that you pull out when in trouble. It's a Steering Wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout the life's journey.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the cop said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The cop then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the cop her license.
"I see, you are from Hoshairpur!," the cop said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

I`m worried that I`m losing my wife`s love," the husband told the counselor.
"Has she started to neglect you?"
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she`s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch

"So what`s the problem?"
"Maybe I`m just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I`m sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers...
`Die! you son of a bitch, Die!!`