The Jokes Thread!

Cricket has reached exciting levels with IPL & ICC....Infusing the same
zing-thing into academic exams.....

a bloke's suggestion:-


1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.

2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own
questions and write answers.

4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall.
(everyone will love this....!!!)

5. Introduce fair play awards.

6. If any wrong question is asked you can give your own answer for the next
question
………………. FREE HIT……………….. !!!!!!!!!

7.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written....!!! WOHOOOOO

In that case, majority will pass (plenty of correct answers). LoL.

No offence meant…

Women

• Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
• Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
• The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
• Boils & explodes spontaneously without reason or warning.
• Freezes for no apparent reason.
• Melts if given special treatment.
• Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

Ohhhh that was grossssssss….

where is the emoticon to show a fuming face???????or the one pulling at hair in anger???????

Lol..well, just kidding, Pankaj, that was a fantastic (close enough) description of the superior speciesDid you miss out on the point mentioned below????????

Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the old ******!"

hahaha!!..trust me , me and my friends have been chatting for 15 mins , trying to fill in the "asterix" with "suitable" words. (appropriate i rather say).

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Santa To Banta : OYE Santa !Where r u going yaar ? And whats that Tyre on you !

Banta: Santa, 1stly i am going for swimming ! And 2ndly its not a Tyre !Its a tube, don't even know this much .

Santa: ahh okay! Going for swimming ! But ya be careful, pal. A person drowned today in the pool!

Banta: Hey that's nothing new now ! It happens, people who dunno how swim have the risk of dying, so i don't need to worry i can swim well.

Santa: no man ! That guy knew swimming very well, Still he died.

Banta : You're Kidding!

Santa : i m serious buddy believe me.

Banta : HOW ON EARTH CAN A PERSON DROWN IN A POOL WHEN HE CAN SWIM !!! Whats wrong with you Santa !

Santa:He did yaar, Simple, he jumped in the pool like a pro, but there was no water in it. Dhhrrmmmmm, he went. And he never came up again. SO he Drowned !!! no?

I put the asterisks before Mods could edit & put so

If you add 1 more asterisk, you will get the appropriate word

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3 sardars were sleeping on 1 bed.  It was quite uncomfortable.  1 sardar got-off the bed & shifted to the sofa.

The 2 sardars said… Aab jagh ho gayi, aaja palang pe.

Wife hits her husband with a frying pan
Husband: What was that for...?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

Message of the year:
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life...!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi
Husband ghar se chala gaya
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kya hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aoonga, tum kha kar so jana:

Man: Sir, my wife is missing ....
Postmaster: Bhai ye post office hai, police station me complain dijiyee.
Man: Kya karon, khushi k mare kuch samajh nahin aa raha

Judge: Why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

How women call their husbands in the first 6 years:
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O jee.
Yr 3. Ajee Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty ke pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho ya main aaon?

Wife: Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay, Main aap ko save karti,
Husband: Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti, Main her haftay tumhe change karta

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaye the ... abhi tak wapis nahi aaye ...
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch aur paka lo ...  

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.

2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?

1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha

********************

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi..

Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?

Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

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Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?

Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun

Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?

Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun 

Killer PJ-Awarded The PJ of the year.....

Ek baar ek saanp ne mujhe dus diya

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to maine usse 5-5 ka change de diya...